The hotband is back on the road. I have to admit I am taking this time a lot better than I have at other times. My moods have been pretty stable. I am thankful for this because I am really not up to dealing with my depressions or my mania. It's been just a nice even keel so far.

I am laying in bed, watching football and missing my husband terribly. It's been three months since he has been on the road. I never get used to him going away. The bed is so empty without him here. It feels cold in the room. I am smoking cigarettes and drinking lemonade. I don't like smoking and still wonder why I am doing it...but it calms my nerves while he is gone.

I haven't been back to my psych doc or my therapist as of late. Just not in the mood to deal with either one of them right now. I have so much going on with my daughters baby shower coming up.

I am going to make a goal of getting out of bed tomorrow. I have some things I have to do and I really need to get it going.

I am fighting with what I assume is now my former best friend. I have no idea what we are even fighting about at this point. You know when an argument drags on for so long you forget what the initial problem was? Yeah. That's the situation here. She keeps calling me manipulative...and I don't know why. I have no idea why she is so angry with me...especially since I have apologized a half dozen times. She says my apologies were insincere. How could you possibly know what another person is thinking when they are apologizing?

I think if this doesn't end soon I am just going to wash my hands of it. It's a toxic situation and I need to steer clear of that. We have been friends...or rather, known one another for over thirty years. If it takes so little to make this house of cards crumble, then I suppose the foundation wasn't very strong to start with.