Wow.

I haven't been on this blog in ages. I haven't seen the need to be here, as I am now spewing my guts on my main blog. I figured that separating my "real life" and my life as a bipolar woman doesn't really work. We are one in the same. I have gotten used to putting my words under the microscope. I don't regret that. My readership has gone down remarkably, but that's okay too. I feel free of the pandering to an audience that used to cause me so much pressure.

Though, I have to admit, having a little more privacy here feels good too.

Sometimes, I really don't have anything to say. Just random thoughts. This is a good place to put them down on.

There hasn't been any real incident that relates to my bipolar disorder in a long time. I think it's pretty well managed now. There are problems that come along with that. Like the inability to write poetry. That has ceased for me. I used to write the most incredible stuff. When I look back on it, I feel like there was a ghostwriter doing all that writing. I can't believe what used to come out of me before the medications put all of that to rest.

Frankly, it makes me want to flush the meds down the toilet.

Another thing that has stiffled my creativity is happiness. Most of my writing came from deep depressions. Those depressions have disipated over the years. For the most part, I am pretty happy now. My husband has seen to that. I just don't have it in me to be utterly miserable anymore. He has done so much to take that out of my heart and mind. Just his existance is the catalyst to my happiness. He's my drug now. Better than any of the stuff I ever put into my body.

It's been a lonely existance not having him around as much, but I have found things to preoccupy my time. I have turned into a good little housewife; a role that I never really embraced before. Now, having no choice in the matter has changed my views on it.

Still, there is a part of me that feels a little empty. I don't know how to fill that void.

Sometimes I feel like there has to be more to this life than what I am living. I am fulfilled in so many areas of my life. I wish that void would just catch up to the rest of me. So far, no relief...but I am patient.

It will come back to me again, I'm sure.

It's good to be home.