I passed the NCLEX.
I had very little doubt that I would, given the manic mode that I was in. Sometimes, I truly embrace that mania. I know it isn't healthy to function at that level of heightened sensitivity, but for me, it works. I love the buzz that goes on in my head. There is a rhythm there, a beat that I step to. I can hear everything, see everything. I am so highly aware of everything going on around me, like I am seeing everything through security cameras...dozens of them, set up all over the place.
That is how I felt during my Boards.
I was the last one in, first one out. 85 questions in an hour and fifteen minutes.
It's a five hour exam.
I felt no hesitation whatsoever in my answers. Hell, I scarcely read some of the questions. I felt like someone was moving my hand along and my brain was yelling "catch the fuck up, stupid!"
My mood has been pretty stable thus far, but I feel the little tinges of depression coming back. Lack of energy, inability to get out of bed, etc. My husband seems pretty convinced that it is due to the end of all the stress that test drained me of. I thought maybe it was a raise in my medication that is doing it to me. Maybe a combination of all those things. Who knows.
For right now, though, I feel contained. I'll run with that for a little while...see how it goes.
I had very little doubt that I would, given the manic mode that I was in. Sometimes, I truly embrace that mania. I know it isn't healthy to function at that level of heightened sensitivity, but for me, it works. I love the buzz that goes on in my head. There is a rhythm there, a beat that I step to. I can hear everything, see everything. I am so highly aware of everything going on around me, like I am seeing everything through security cameras...dozens of them, set up all over the place.
That is how I felt during my Boards.
I was the last one in, first one out. 85 questions in an hour and fifteen minutes.
It's a five hour exam.
I felt no hesitation whatsoever in my answers. Hell, I scarcely read some of the questions. I felt like someone was moving my hand along and my brain was yelling "catch the fuck up, stupid!"
My mood has been pretty stable thus far, but I feel the little tinges of depression coming back. Lack of energy, inability to get out of bed, etc. My husband seems pretty convinced that it is due to the end of all the stress that test drained me of. I thought maybe it was a raise in my medication that is doing it to me. Maybe a combination of all those things. Who knows.
For right now, though, I feel contained. I'll run with that for a little while...see how it goes.
5 comments:
For me, I was finally able to get the meds balanced to a point where I still have ups and downs, a bit more than the 'normals', but not as severely. And so, I have to say, in my non-professional opinion, you are probably just on the down side of the mania. Bound to happen, although wouldn't it be nice if we could stay manic forever? :-)
I am a firm believer that we cannot put everything on our Bipolar.
Going to school, studying and testing are in itself stressful...
When I went to college, I had three kids to take care of and I was dealing with an alcoholic husband at the same time...I was bipolar and I was Manic!
But all in all...the stress is normal with school and studies...You are normal with normal feelings.
Just go with the flow of things...You'll be OK:)
Yeah, for CP! I am glad you passed your test whether it is due to your own genius or to your mania,whichever. You are one smart Princess, so it doesn't surprise me in the least~
I am SO glad to see another nursing student with bipolar graduate, and pass the NCLEX.
Maybe there is hope for me yet.
Machelle
PS- love your blog, as a nursing student, I can totally relate.
I'm starting to understand more and more about myself the more I read "bipolar" blogs. I'm trying to find where I sit. And why my brain sits somewhere else. This manic situation with your exam is bringing up a lot of memories. Maybe I'm closer to answers than I thought?
mcj
Post a Comment