I wish I could get on a plane anytime I wanted to. Just fly. Leave. Go.

I can't get far enough away sometimes. It makes me sick that I don't realize that flying away means I am still going to be with me. It's why suicide is never the answer. when you leave this place, you are still you. Your problems follow you to the grave. You leave people angry at your selfishness in the wake of your demise.

I want to go. But I don't.

There are so many days that I love my life and want to stick around to see what's around the corner. Then, there are the days I would rather watch the lives of others from up high. We all know suicide delivers you to the gates of hell. What fabulous upskirt shots I would get! I know this is because I am just tired and perhaps irrational. I want to explore my options by continuing to breathe.

I also want to hide under the covers and die sometimes. It's a one time only deal.

I am hearing things. I am seeing things. I am keeping it a secret from him, the only secret I own...so he doesn't think I am too crazy to be saved.

I embarass me...sometimes.