My parents accused me of abusing drugs. Lovely. I take so much medicine for my bipolar disorder and the schizophrenia and still no one will understand why it might render me stupified for awhile. Yes, it makes me groggy. And yes, I had two glasses of wine last night with dinner. That certainly didn't help me to keep my eyes open...so I was nodding off at dinner.

I walk back in last night to hear my mother saying "with all the drugs she is taking she isn't really dealing with anything."

Fuck that and fuck you, Mom. Seriously.

I have never been more self aware than I am as of late and since taking this medicine. Hell, all I have been is aware. Aware of everything I say and everything I fucking do. I feel like I am under scrutiny all the time...I have to watch what I say or do, lest someone should feel or notice me slipping.

Dealing with anything???

That's all I ever do is deal with everything. Constantly dealing with my medical issues and the things that result from them. I am forever dealing with everything. I am not in denial. I know that I tend to abuse substances when I feel like it...but last night was two glasses of wine with dinner. That makes me an alcoholic?

Argh. I just get so frustrated with people who don't get "it".

On the upside, I thought of the premise for my novel. I am fleshing it out and think that it will come to be a reality sooner than I realize. I have the premise and I have the ending. It will be based on ONE hour of someone's life and that one hour has to fill an entire novel. I can do this. I am very interested in seeing where the book takes me.