Christa died.

She died about a week ago. I knew she wasn't long for this world anymore but I didn't expect her to go that quickly either. We had just talked via email. Sucks. That makes three great friends gone in the past four years. Christa, Derek and Norman. Christa was from ovarian cancer. Norman from pneumonia complicated by AIDS. Derek was an overdose of drugs. Intentional or not, we will never know. I don't think it was intentional. Despite all his problems, Derek loved life...at least enough to stick around to see how the drama will unfold. He loved to laugh at other peoples expense. You either loved Derek or you hated him. There was no middle ground. I found him to be insufferable but I adored him. Norman was the love of my life, my gay husband if you will. I miss him more than I could ever say. Christa was a friend I met online some years ago. We communicated via email and sent each other gifts via post. The last thing I sent her was a book called "Cancer Schmancer" by Fran Drescher. I found it to be funny when I was going through my bout of cervical cancer. I thought it would pick up Christa's spirits and it did. Ovarian cancer is some scary shit. It sneaks up on you. You don't even know you have it until it is in its secondary stages. Even with regular pap smears, it is almost impossible to detect early on.

Fuck it. I am so over people dying.

I blew off my therapy appointment to spend the week at the beach with the husband. I was so manic the entire time. Especially the first day. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I had the shakes and my mind was just reeling. I couldn't think in a steady and comprehensive fashion. So, I just gave into it. My husband was kind enough to pack for me since I couldn't think of a thing I wanted to wear. I couldn't do basic math during times like that, let alone thinking about what to pack for a week.

I gained four pounds back of my 25 that I lost. That sucks. Damn these long weekends at the beach.

I have a pretty sick tan though.