I have been managing to avoid my mother in law. So far it is working pretty well although i miss my time with my husband. there are only two more weeks to go. this week she is leaving for vegas with my sister in law so i will have my husband back for this next week. I am looking forward to that.

i am just laying around the house not doing much of anything and i like it that way. sure, im bored but i would rather be bored than interface with this woman. i try not to tell my husband how much i loathe the woman because it hurts him, and i am not always successful in my endeavor. but i try.

i am laying in bed watching sixteen candles, one of my favoite 80's movies. i was so into all of those...pretty in pink, st elmos fire, less than zero,etc. love all that old crap. i would give anything to be teleported back to the 80's. life was so much fun back then. i am dieting on gummi bears and water. i have lost another four pounds. i dont know why i am writing this post because it has nothing to do with anything that is on my mind right now. i have a lot onmy mind but nothing i feel like writing about right now. death. death is weighing heavily on my mind. not my own death but the deaths of others. i think i have discovered that i am not afraid of dying because living is so much harder.

i would like a nice peaceful end, with my family around me...going in my sleep would be ideal. then i want to be harvested for all my organs and cremated. it completely goes against the jewish faith to be harvested and cremated but i figure if my organs are in good shape and can help someone to see, or a heart to beat a little longer...then that would be a good legacy to leave behind.

my friend daves son died a year ago today. it was a tragic death. drowning. he was only a little boy. five years old i believe. i couldnt imagine that kind of hole in my heart despite my losing a son 13 years ago.

i miss derek. i miss norman. soon i will be missing christa who is in her final stages of ovarian cancer. nothing more they can do for her. its insane as you get older all the people who die around you.

i amj going back to bed to finish sixteen candles. its really all the stimulous i can handle right about now.