I just went to go see a new counselor.

We decided that I need intensive therapy (no duh) and perhaps some substance abuse counseling. It's all good. I just came off of a really bad mixed episode, both manic and then depressive. This happens to me now and then...I get really fast cycling moods and it hurts physically when it happens. I got fired from my job...showed up impaired. Yep. I did that. So now, my nursing license is in jeopardy. No big deal. I am at the point where I really don't care one way or the other. In a few weeks, I will care...when the manic phase wears off and I start to give a shit about things again. In the interim, I just don't care.

This new psych guy, he seems okay. He does a lot of reflecting like..."it sounds like blah blah blah blah" and then he proceeds to repeat back to me what I said to him...only in different words so I feel understood. *eye roll* I know all the stupid psychology manuevers already so I have to say I am unimpressed. He seems to have a good idea of what direction I want to go in. I need to find out what causes my self destructive behaviors. No one seems to ever be able to answer that one for me...and I am 41 years old already. You figure by now, someone would have a clue.