Been several days since I posted here.

I am on the 20 something day of the Lamictal. Hard for me to know if I am feeling better because I am with my mother. She is the anti-Lamictal. Any good this medicine may be doing for me, she is undoing. I don't know why I choose to be around such a radically toxic person. Perhaps it is because she is my mother and I long for that relationship, at any cost.

I will definately talk to Dr. B. about that when I get back to Florida.

In the interim, no side effects from the Lamictal so far. At least, none of the dangerous ones. I am feeling the clumsiness. I have aches in my legs, but not sure if that is related to the medicine, or the fact that I have not been working and my legs are just being lazy. I can already detect that I am coping with stress a bit better, but again, that may have less to do with the medicine and more to do with my psychotherapy. I am trying to find different coping mechanisms. So far, what works best for me are "time outs". I simply leave a situation as opposed to staying in the confrontation.

Of course, when the situation is going on in your own head, it is hard to leave it.

But, when it is induced by someone or something else, I am trying to rise above. It's so hard to do it sometimes.

I am not sleeping very well either. Waking up several times a night and unable to stay asleep. It's 6:15 am right now. I've been up since about 3 am. I am overeating also. That could be due to the fact that I am on vacation. Maybe things will change when I get back home.

Maybe not. Regardless, I am not going to rely heavily on the medicine to fix me. I am going to do what I can to live a happier, stress free existance by keeping myself in check until the meds can do what they are supposed to do. It's only been a few weeks of titration. I shouldn't expect major results for at least another 3 weeks or so. I already have my first bottle of Lamictal 100 mgs. filled and I am waiting for the day I can start them. I want progress so bad that it hurts.

It hurts a lot.