I'm glad no one is viewing this blog. This is the way I sort of preferred it. Eventually, I know, people will notice this one and start lining up to the left. That's fine.

I am writing here right now because I am so excessively angry I can just spit. My daughter really fucked me over just now and if I don't get it out of my system, I may just strangle her. Not really, mind you, but metaphorically. I don't ever remember being this angry. For me to document WHY I am this angry means I expect people to read this and commiserate with me. I don't. I know why I am so angry so I don't really need to rehash the story. I am trying to be careful with this particular blog so as not to disrupt its intent.

I feel completely betrayed by her. I laid my reputation on the line, a solid reputation, to run to her aid. She lied to me. LIED. HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE LIE. And one thing in my world that I cannot stomach is when someone, mainly my own family, lies to me. Once upon a time, I had a real problem with that as well, but never ever my own children. I would never dream of being dishonest with them for any reason under the sun. They were my children and they deserved better. This is not a "ooh, mom I smoked pot and didn't want to tell you" kind of lie. I would expect that from a teenager/child. But, this is a MARRIED WOMAN who should have a bit of sense around her. Apparently, she doesn't. I swore for her, vouched for her only to find out she completely lied to me.

I am so severely angry, I already warned my husband to keep her out of the house tonight. This is not healthy for someone with BPD and the stress needs to be real low. It's not right now. It's WAY the fuck up there and I am ready to smash something so hard, over and over just to hear it break.

I am hoping she stays at a friends tonight so it won't end up her skull.

This isn't a little child. This is a 20 year old married woman.

And now, tomorrow, I will be forced to eat crow, and write a letter to the person I was defending her actions to. I will have to tell them that I was betrayed and mislead just as well as they were. Yet, this is my own daughter which brings on twice the amount of humiliation.

This is going to be bad, so very bad.