My psychologist told me "I scared him". I think this is not good. He told me that I am irrational and a hazard to myself and others. He told me the next time I get in a car and drive while in a frenzied state, he will suggest to the police that my license be revoked.
Wow. Sobering.
I can't blame him for being angry at me. I could have killed myself last night. That would be my own problem. However, I could have killed him, his family, someone in my own family, an innocent person driving home from work...anyone. And knowing my luck, I'd live through it. I'd go to prison, knowing I killed someone.
I think I am going to surrender my car keys to my husband until my medicine kicks in.
2 comments:
I have not had that experience with a shrink. My experience with shrinks has been they never read the notes of the previous shrinks. Since first diagnoses, I've had 6 of them. The first one was awesome. He's in Marion County. Costly but excellent. The last one was an idiot. He gav me this little chart that had all these little faces in rows on it. From happy faces to blah faces to sad faces. One for every day of the week. He said I had to fill it out every day until my next visit. I didn't bother. It seemed like a really crude and stupid little chart. I said I would be happy to write a diary or journal (like my first Shrink wanted) but Noooo this doctor wanted the chart and he would refuse care if I didn't fill it out. So an hour before my appointment I filled it out in a kind of wavy pattern, mostly in the middle. My husband said it looked like it had all been filled in at once. I said "good - that's how I want it to look". The doctor said "Did you just fill this in all at once?" when he saw it? I said "Yes" He said "You were supposed to fill it out every day. I said "You said you would not give me treatment anymore if I didn't fill it out - you didn't specify in that conversation how I had to fill it out". He said I was "difficult" and that he wasn't sure whether my rudenes was part of my 'condition' or my personality. My husband said "I'd say it's her personality - she doesn't like having to fill out stupid forms that don't really do much, especially if she's being coerced to" (I take my husband to all Shrinks appointments)
Then he said he wanted to take me off the drugs that my doctor in Florida had put me on, that I was comfortable with, and that I had no adverse side effects to. I challenged him on this. He said "Well I don't know your doctor in Florida but Topemax is not used here blah blah blah..." and I said "Topemax is used as moodstablizer in combination with other drugs which I am taking. And as for my doctor in Florida, he's a world reknowned author, he was a professor emeritus in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He's won awards for his work in the field. He's not working in a rinky dink public-funded health clinic in a tiny town, like you. Hmmmm whose advice should I follow... I wonder...
He then asked me "Why did you have a c-section" (we'd just had a baby") And I started to xplain it. He cut me off and said "I don't know whether it's your disease or what, but you talk too much". I finally had it and said "look - you, I am a writer. I used to write for a living. Not only that, but before this disease struck me down I was writing at the highest rate that any journalists in Canada can get in 2 different National publications. I am verbose. I am expansive. It comes with the territory of BEING a journalist and a writer. It's NOT my "disease" - That's my SKILL SET... and frankly I have no idea how you can prescribe for me if you don't know the difference between these two things. If you don't know the difference between ME and my disease, which you clearly do not, and seem to have little intention of ever finding out before experimenting on me with new drugs when the drugs I DO have work fine"
Anywys.. that was the last time he would see me. Now my family GP does my prescribing. :) And my family GP is a wonderful incredible guy who totally respects me and has known me for 8 years.
(Don't publish this -- just keep it in your moderate listy thingy as there's enough identifying info in here for somebody to figure out who I am from it.. but I thought you might like to here another BPDs experience with a shrink.
The only time a shrink came close to saying what yours said to me was when I hit the wall in 2003, post-partum psychosis. (Same new bitch who just emailed ya *smile*)
That is pretty serious, CP. I am glad you were in the frame of mind to surrender your keys.
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