Since going off the Prozac and titrating, slowly, on the Lamictal, I am feeling extremely edgy. I am crying at the drop of a hat and then, simultaneously, feeling just fine while doing so. It is confusing, to say the least.

I saw Dr. C., (the psychiatrist) on Wednesday and he seems to be convinced that I am going to be alright. The rash hasn't recurred, though I am still wary of it after having gone up in dosage.

Still, I can't help feeling this sense of deep isolation. I am having trouble connecting with my husband. My sex drive, normally WAY the hell up there, is shot to shit. I had to force myself to have sex last night. Once we started, it was phenomenal, as always. But, it was getting myself to the point where I wanted to that was a challenge. I am so incredibly attracted to my husband. He is romantic and loving and wonderful in bed. Normally, I can't keep my hands off of him. Lately, sex is the last thing on my mind.

I think about it, but I can't bring myself to engage in the physical act. This is more frustrating for me than it is for him. He's content to wait. He's all about the quality. Me? I'm more a quantity sort of girl. Usually.

I am going to sign up for school today. That gives me something to look forward to. I am trying, desperately to find the positive in everyday. I am studying for my exams a bit more frequently now though not as much as I should. I decided that I am going to take a week off of life this week, while I am in New York City with my family for Christmas/Channukah.

The big challenge will be spending a week with my mother. She somehow always manages to set me back. I am going to try to rise above this week. That's the challenge. Don't let her get under my skin and don't react with rage.

It's my rage that I really need to get under control. I am working on it, slowly, one day at a time. I make myself nervous because sometimes, I feel like I have the capability of beating someone with my bare hands.

It's not a happy place to be.